I hate you sometimes, I don’t understand why you’re so damn emotional; you try to make me something I cannot be and thus in defense you judge me not knowing that I can be loyal to your every need but I need understanding.
Your acts may have worked with other before me but I am not the typical male. I will do my best to please you only if you supply your true desires with me. Stop faking what you are inside, that being a heart, which is on an emotional high, I pity this weakness sometimes.
Things do not work how you want them to, so you say that because I do not love myself I cannot never fully love you. What bullshit you speak from unrealistic tongue, shame on you for thinking I can’t love you, you say you can relate to my struggle, however your quick to bash me when you see your happiness is at risk, fuck you and your emotional ways. I can’t stand it anymore.
However, I sit here thinking about my next move with you, wondering if your ever feel I will be true to your wants and needs, this pisses me off, makes me shed water which I don’t know of. How can I be with someone like you?
How can I deal with the fact that somewhere inside that thing you call a heart, there are feelings for me that you show so remorsefully. You have changed for the worst, I no longer know you, however you would say, “I never really knew you anyway.” Damn, what a pathetic waste of time this has been for the both of us, you don’t understand me and I don’t understand you. As you think you’re more mature than me, I fail to understand we are on two different sides of the coin.
This is not a case of who is better than the other person; this is a case of pure understanding but is love even worth fighting for anymore? When we first got together, the planets were aligned perfectly now everything is scattered all over the place, when I look at you I see the pain I have caused; but when you look at me do you feel the same?
There is a sense of hopelessness between you and I, all I want for us is to be one but I am sick and tired of you not understanding the true desire of this man. Why can’t you speak to me like the “mature” lady you are, make me aware of your heart’s passion. I am nothing more than a wreck to you, miserable, and unemotional. I apologize for not being more like you. I’m sorry if I am different and maybe I am not unique. Maybe I do hate myself, but don’t take this as a form of weakness my dear, I am stronger than you think. You call me out of my name, you diminish my manhood, in your eyes I am a boy, but what about the other relationships?
What happened to them?
Were these dudes not “man” enough for you? Alternatively, were they just an hourglass turned over for duration of time?
I want you but not if you can’t accept me as your lover. I am not just an individual looking for your attention, I want your love, your warmth, and embrace. You tell me that self-love is important, this maybe is true, but what you don’t see is that sometimes you have to hate yourself to become stronger, it tests your true character and self. It helps you stay grounded and focused on the world around you, it makes you think about those who are true and false, it can also help you to really search inside one’s mental and truly understand that which is happiness.
I want us to be happy, but what is that but something we as people all our lives try to obtain.